Monday, January 4, 2010

New Ferris Wheel Planned for Mayo Island



Convention and Visitors Bureau spokesperson Jane Halloway announced today the purchase of the Melbourne Wheel, a well known Melbourne tourist attraction, and its imminent relocation to Mayo Island in the center of the James River. Halloway elaborated the economic benefits of adding a glorified amusement park ride to a high profile location near downtown and the James River Park System. "Kayakers are going to see this miles up stream and what better what to end a day of adventure sports than to take a thrilling ride of a Ferris wheel. This is going to put Richmond on the map the way the London Eye did for England.", Halloway said. "When people think of Richmond, they are going to think of ferris wheels."

Price tag for the giant Ferris wheel was a mere $10 million. This does not include transportation, set up and estimated $50 million repair charges. "Still", Halloway maintains, "We got a heck of a deal." Operating charges are expected to be offset by ticket prices that will range from $5 to $25. A full service amusement park is envisioned a part of a planned development on the island.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

James Brown vs. Brown James

In the celebrity death match between James Brown and the currently brown James River I would ordinarily give the nod to the Godfather of Soul. Though powerful and swift, the river does not know how to dance or sing. If you've ever seen James Brown perform, you know that this would be no contest, but given that 'Soul Brother Number One' has been dead for two years, this one goes to the James River. The next bout will be between Carytown and Drew Carey, this looks to be a closely matched fight, Carytown with the Byrd Theatre, gourmet restaurants and odd shopping appeal vs Drew Cary with his enormous appetite and odd comedic appeal. This promises to be a good one.



Monday, June 8, 2009

Saturday, May 9, 2009

The Nine Lives of Warren Teal

Warren Teal continues his remarkable recovery after being plucked from the banks of the James River two miles downstream from his freak accident last Sunday. Doctors are baffled. Doctor Samuel Bonkers states, “He should not be alive.” Dr. Bonkers remembers “Teal” from his early days at Virginia Union University. “He was a particularly promising engineering student, but he had to drop out due to ‘health’ issues. Based on what I know about Teal, he should have been dead years ago. He’s a medical miracle”

Teal was found on a rock in the Hollywood Rapids and complained of being cold. On the way to the hospital Teal refused all pain medication, but did ask the driver if he could stop at an ABC store and also a get pack of cigarettes.

Friends and colleagues expressed genuine relief at Teal’s recovery. Teal, back at work the next day was nearly shot by his boss, Linwood Norman who threatened to shoot if he ever wrecked another company car. Norman stated, "It was just a joke and who knew the gun was loaded. Teal laughed and joked he would continue to ride his bicycle to and from work, but that his cast was a "pain in the ass."

Monday, May 4, 2009

The Late Lamented Warren Teal

Warren Teal, veteran Richmond businessman and VUU alum, was killed yesterday in a bizarre single car accident that tied up traffic on the Boulevard Bridge for better than 24 hours. The rental vehicle in which he was a passenger, went airborne after the right front tire blew. According to the driver, the car cartwheeled down the bridge deck several times before sailing over the railing and landing upside down in the water. Teal's body was finally dragged from the river after an all night search by the Richmond Rescue Squad involving several boats and two police helicopters scanning the river all night with searchlights. The driver, who passed a field sobriety test, escaped with minor injuries. He was unable to provide the police with an explanation of the accident except that he believed it was a maintenance issue. Richmond Police are still investigating the cause of the accident.


Wednesday, April 29, 2009